My Everything
by musicianofpercussion
Summary: England's people left him for America's county, killing England. America then is left only with out anyone. He misses England with every bit of his heart and won't give up on him, even after sixteen years. (*warning suicides inside this story*)
1. Chapter 1

"Hey England, how are you?" I smiled brightly up at me.

"I'm fine. Just worried about my people."

"Why, whats up?"

"They think if they agreed with your countries leader that they would live better lives."

He stood their in shock looking at me.

"But England-"

"No, if that's what they want then that's what I'll give them. I'm nothing to anybody anyways. I'm a piece of land that can be taken away or added to."

"England don't say that-"

I stared him dead in the eyes. "No America, its true. People treat us like we can just be thrown around. Soon this Earth is going to die anyways the way people treat it."

"Your not nothing though. Your the Great United Kingdom."

He rolled my eyes. "Like that matters."

"Have hope."

(This whole situation just tore me apart. Why would my people do this to me?)

"How can I America when the whole world won't even help me." I started crying.

"I'll help."

"They want to be apart of your country though. They want you, not ME."

"I'm sure some do-"

"Don't you get it. They hate how their country is ruled. That's why they are getting rid of me. Can't you tell that I have been looking weaker and weaker by the days?"

"YES! YES I HAVE! And this all tears me apart!" He had tears running down his cheeks. "When I left you I just wanted independence from you. Not to destroy you. If I knew this would happen then I would have never done this! I'm so sorry England."

"America make me one promise."

"What?"

"If I do die take care of my people..." ~

I woke from the awful dream. I had been crying. I got up and ran to my phone to call up England but then I realized that that had been reality and the pain and hit me all over again. This happened every night of every week. It tears me apart more and more.

I've tried to commit suicide but since my country is alive and strong, which then I can't die. I have scares up and down my arms. Every country that looks at me always says how sorry they are. Japan has been the closest to me out of everyone. Well not really since I pushed everyone out. But hes the only one who will come and check up on me. I guess I should thank him but I'm really not that happy anymore.

England was apart of me and I apart of him. He was the only one who got me to smile when I was down. Who stood by some of my most stupidest ideas and went along with it. We might of had our fights here and there but we were one of the closest countries ever. I loved him, and still do... But I was to late to tell him. If only he had longer to live. Its all my fault.

I went over to my balcony. I looked down at the city. I climbed over and let myself drop to the ground. I wasn't scared of death anymore. If death was the only way to get to see England again, even for just a few short minutes, I'd do it.


	2. Chapter 2

"America, you have to stop doing this to yourself. Its not healthy." Japan told me.

"I don't care. MY life sucks."

"When life gets tough you shouldn't look on the dark side of everything-"

"England was the only person who understood me! He was the only person that actually cared! I LOVED HIM!" I sobbed out to Japan.

"America, I never knew you ... loved him." He said it in almost a whisper to himself.

"Yes. He- I never even told him how I felt."

"Oh.. I'm so sorry."

He got up and left, leaving me alone in the hospital bed.

"God, if you can some how hear me. Please tell me somehow how England is." I sat there in silence with no answer.

"I try everything but still get nothing. ENGLAND TALK TO ME!" Still nothing.

I cried myself asleep.

~ I was back at home, sitting on the couch. I stared blankly at the wall.

"America."

I turned around and seen him, England.

"Why? Why did you leave me?" I cried out and ran to him. He hugged me.

"I'm sorry."

"Why? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!? I LOVE YOU GOD DAMN IT! I LOVE YOU!" I cried into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry America. I would have never left you if I could have I would have stayed, you know it."

"I miss you so much England."

"And I you."~

I woke from my dream.

(It was only a dream. He was never really their. And he never will be here again. Its all my fault. I killed him off. Its all my fault. Why did my body do this to me. I finally have a different dream and it hurts me twice as worse. It got my hopes up then when I wake up it tears them down. WHY?!) I balled my fists up. (If only you were here right now. If only I could talk to you, walk by you, hug you, hold you. If only I could go to the past and stop myself. I would do anything just to have you back even if it means taking my life. I would do it, anything for you.)

I ripped the IV's from my arm and went to the bathroom. I went and ran the water till it started spilling over the edge I sat in the freezing water. (If I killed you off then I deserve the worst deaths ever.) I went and sat in the bath tub and let my body go numb. Then I breathed the water into my lungs.


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't leave your side can I America? It was Japan again.

"Why do you keep coming and trying to help with me. At first everyone was sad about tit then they got tired of it. They all gave up on me and you should too." He looked me in my eyes from a moment.

"Before England died he talked with me."

I looked at him confused. "What do you mean? About what?"

He took a deep breath in. "He asked me to watch over you like he has all those years. America he loved you and wanted to tell you but he knew he was going to die so he didn't want to hurt you."

"What?" I started crying. (England you loved me? Why didn't you tell me?)

"He told me not to tell you that but.. I don't know. I feel like you deserve to know."

"Japan. I-,T-thank y-y-you. F-for telling m-me that."

He smiled a little bit. "Your welcome... I can I leave without you trying to kill yourself again?"

"I can't really answer that Japan. Even if I do die then I come back. So does it really matter?"

"Yes it does. I don't know if you know but everything you kill yourself your not only letting me down, your also letting England down. Do you think he would want you to do this to yourself. To sink down to this level. Just think about it." Then he left the room.

(England. You wouldn't want me to do this but... I don't know. I feel like I'm in this huge battle against myself. Depression v.s. life. Depression seems to win. And has from the sixteen years you've been gone. At first I just was upset and tried to go on with life tried to hide the pain. But after a year I exploded and started cutting deep into my skin. Then five years after your death I started to kill myself. At first it was just that once and again I tried to go on living my life. Then again I exploded and killed myself a second time two years later. Thn it just seemed like a daily rutine. Just over and over. The pain doesn't even hurt anymore. Its just the pain from you being gone that still haunts my empty heart. That hovers over me like a ghost.)

I inhaled deeply. (If killing myself has let you down all these times, and somehow you can see me from above and it hurts you to see me do this, then why not take me with you? Or come down to Earth and live with me again? Or just something. I don't know England but I know I'll always love you. With all of my beating heart. Even when I stops beating I'll always love you.)

I got up and walked to the bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror. I looked like a mess. My hair started to have gry in it from all the stress. I had bags under my eyes. Bruises all up from my face down to my feet. My arms, they had deep cuts up and down them. Somehow I still looked strong though. I hated it.

I raised my first and punched the mirror. It left a huge gash in my hand but I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about really anything anymore. Life seemed like a huge joke that messed with you until it had you shaking in its iron once you fin the light at the end of the tunnel it turns it off with a snap off its fingers and your left all alone, by yourself. Scared and shaking wondering whats next? Will i actually find the real light and escape its messing mind tricks or am I going to fall into its pit less death trap. So far I was falling into the dark never to return. My life was in shambles.

"Sorry Japan."

I grabbed one of the shattered pieces of glass and held it to my throught. "Sorry England."


	4. Chapter 4

"Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Your hurting my feelings. Your only making your life worse."

"Leave me alone! Your not real!" (You can't be real, you can't be.)

"Why can't you see America. I am only real if you allow it to be."

"What is that suppose to mean? Why do you keep asking tricky questions. Why do you keep popping up in my dreams and hurting me?"

"I'm not hurting you. Only trying to talk with you. To try and spend time wit you-"

"But your not real! Get away from me!"

"You said that you would do anything to see me. And you have. Everything you kill yourself you reach a part of heaven that souls go to to be judged. But you don't exactly die so you don't reach it. I'm sorry America."

"Your joking." Tears started to swell in my eyes.

"I'm not. Evey time that you have recently seen me is because I'm watching you from up here. I can't talk to you because Gods against it. But I sneak away to see you. I'd do anything for you America. I still love you."

I let all my emotions out. "England-"

"Sssshhhhh..." He walked over to me and held me. "Don't cry America. Don't kill yourself either. It only will hurt you-"

"But know I will get to see you. I will-"

"America, the only way I can be with you is if..."

"If what. Tell me please."

"I-"

"Arthur! Arthur where are you!"

"Their looking for me-"

"But-"

"I have to leave." ~

I woke up.

"Hello again. Please America stop-"

"I seen England."

Japan stared at me. "W-What do you mean?" He said slowly.

"I saw him Japan! I saw him!" I started smiling.

"I- I'm glad you saw him. Are you sure it just wasn't a dream?"

"No I'm telling the truth."~

For once I didn't have a dream. Nothing came, only silence. I didn't try and kill myself either. England gave me hope. i knew I could see him know. He still loved me.

I woke the next morning. I sleepy rubbed my eyes and looked around the room.

"Morning America." It was England.

I tried to speak but nothing came out.

Japan entered the room. "America I-" He seen England and dropped the tray. "E-e-"

"Yes. After sixteen years my people have declared there independence from America and have became the United Kingdom again." He looked at me and smiled. He had a cup of tea in his hand. "Japan can you leave us alone for a moment."

Japan stared at England until his words finally processed through his mind and he left the room.

England looked at me. "I'm so sorry America." He started and crying which made me start crying with him. "I tried to talk with you but-"

"It doesn't matter anymore. Your here and that's all that matters. I have you again and I'm finally happy again. I feel like I can smile again, that I just... I love you England."

"I love you too America."


End file.
